Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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