am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
