it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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