i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
