The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
