"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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