come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize
