ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
