Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
