You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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