Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
