tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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