we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
