why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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