If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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