I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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