conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
