I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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