Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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