I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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