I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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