Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
