I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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