the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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