And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
