i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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