just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
