He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
