Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
