i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
