I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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