Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
