i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
