He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
