I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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