im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
