come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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