GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
