so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
