chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
