I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
