the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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