that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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