I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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