I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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