She said her name was "party"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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