Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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