I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
