Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
