Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
