He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
where are my eyebrows?
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