i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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