the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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