grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
