How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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