Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He felt like a one man threesome
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
