saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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