Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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