he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
