Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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