Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I checked into jail on foursquare
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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