u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize