the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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