I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
