At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
