barbara walters just said penis...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
