My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize