but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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