im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Are we still banned from the library?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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