i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
