If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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