wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
