even my farts smell like vagina
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have fence marks all over my body
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
