I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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