I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
