Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
