I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
