the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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