He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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