It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
