Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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