If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
