Did I show you my penis last night?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
