Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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