I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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