Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This girl is more easily done than said...
she woke up with a sticky ear
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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