isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize