We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
