problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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