When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
