Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
