dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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