All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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