Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
