so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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