I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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