I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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