dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wear drunk well.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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