hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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