Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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