You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
