Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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