You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
