It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
