every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
