you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
