I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
