dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
