when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize