You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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