cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
